I \[20M\] recently broke up with my gf \[19\] of three years. We met in hs and now go to different colleges – she lives at home and I live away at school and have been long distance for a year and a half. There were lots of reasons why I found myself wanting to break up with her but a big one is that she put on weight, about 15-20 pounds in the past year. I’m not attracted to her anymore, and the sex wasn’t as good for me. Plus we were just growing apart and there is a girl at my school I have started to like.

The thing is that she has had an eating disorder since before we met. She used to make herself throw up every day and would go long periods without eating. She always talked about hating herself and her body a lot. She was never super skinny, just normal weight. She never has gotten help for it and really we just don’t talk about it. After knowing this about her for a while there was nothing to say, I couldn’t do anything except try to make her feel better about herself by giving her compliments. I think the past year she has gone the opposite direction and started binging without throwing up, I don’t really know. She also went on a new birth control that she thinks is making her gain weight but I know she eats a lot of junk food. I have tried to work out and eat healthy to motivate her and encourage her to do the same but it didn’t work.

For the past couple months I have been pulling away, trying to figure out whether or not we could make it work, and she just asked more and more questions about why I was being distant. We have always been really open and honest with each other and maybe she felt I wasn’t telling her everything. We talked and talked so much and she kept asking what was wrong so eventually I just admitted that I wasn’t attracted to her anymore due to her weight gain. She said she knew that already and understood and would try to lose weight, but it was too late for me.

Now her best friend has contacted me saying I shouldn’t have mentioned the weight because she’s really upset. I know it must have been hard for her to hear but it was the truth and she wouldn’t stop asking me why I was pulling away. She wasn’t satisfied with any answers I gave her, and eventually it just wore me down until I told her the truth. Her friend is saying there was no reason I had to mention her weight and that I could have thought up other things to say. My ex also said something after we had that talk about how she always thought no one would ever want her bc she was fat but that I had always made her feel like maybe she was wrong, which made me feel bad but isn’t my fault. I didn’t put that idea in her head in the first place, and I’m sure someone out there will be into her her at the weight she is now, it’s just not me.

I will apologize to my ex because I know she is hurting, I still love her and wish things were different. But I don’t think I really did anything wrong by being honest when she kept asking me to tell her the truth. AITA?