ATTENTION! Hey fellas, it’s Bruce “The Bedtime Bear” Jilans, and I came on the TV today to tell you about my new cream, Sergeant Stiff. I served two tours in Vietnam. After my battle buddies little Private Ryan got blown off by a rocket, I vowed to never let them little zipperheads have the satisfaction of knowing they’re little Ho Chi Men was longer than Uncle Sams Schlong of freedom. This cream is guaranteed to make the babes fall head over heels for you. Trust me, if you hear screaming, your either bringing freedom to a dirty 3rd world country, or banging a Swedish super model. Buy Sergeant Stiffs cream today, and become a patriot (Eagle Caw)