So folks, hang in there because this is a doozy!

I (34m) was hanging out in my room, when my mom (65f) came in with my daily peanut butter and marshmaellow sandwhich with the crusts cut off. After screaming at her to get out, I dug in — and I mean DUG IN. My plate and hands had so much white stuff on it, it looked like I had just gotten back from anime-con. After my rolls had finished eating, I passed out for my daily 12.5 hour nap. Thats when my dog (12d), sparky came in. He saw my precious, peanut butter stained lips and he just exploded. He ran over to me with a speed i’ve only dreamed of seeing, and we locked lips. Neither of us moved for a few seconds, just fully transfixed on each other. After he ran away, I couldnt stop thinking about it. Then, I realized — I had asked for chunky peanut butter, not smooth. That’s why sparky came at me: he knew what I had to do, and reminded me. Getting up, I slammed my mothers face into the glass and threw her out the window — this house was my domain now, with my sexual partner sparky at my side.

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Aita?