I’m a bald man. Once at a bar, a woman randomly told me that it was her fantasy to sit on a bald man’s head, nestle that bald shiny dome as close to her butthole as possible, and rip a fart. She said if I’d allow her to, she’d do whatever I wanted to do, which was just basic “tie the girl up and do the bondage thing” thing.

I’m an accommodating man. I took her back to my place and allowed her to… lay an egg, as she called it.

Turns out, most humans, including women, have terrible smelling farts. I could not get over how bad it smelled when it was not sheathed by underwear and pants. The egg got laid, and then I went to sleep. I just could not go forward.

I also got double pink eye in return.