If you feel like seeking attention on the internet but you don’t know how to do it effectively, you’re in luck today my friend- because papa Jack’s about to lay it down and spread it wide like it’s your bitch xdddd

So listen up, mfer, because I have covered not 1, not 2, but 3 ways to get that sweet attention from fake people online.

1. Depression post on Facebook.

A blind man can see why this tops the list. Pull this card or just fake its holy presence in your deck if you’re that pathetic and watch as you get help from a hundred other lonely fucks, ready to use your “deprisi0n” as a reason to talk to another soul. Because God knows no happy, sane person is gonna talk to them. Now your inbox is gonna be flooded with new messages.

2. A lengthy Eulogy of your dead friend or family ON YOUTUBE.

Now this method is exclusive to Youtube, and works best on Coldplay and Adele videos. You cannot do this in any other social media and expect the same results. But on Youtube, the result is almost certainly top comment and people will express their d33p3st condlonemces in the replies for the following months or even years to come. Just assume someone close to you died and from there you have the option of saying whatever the fuck you want. People will still give you dat updoot, man.

3. Post a selfie (with a caption)

This is like an 8/10 on the difficulty scale, because it involves overcoming your insecurities and actually posting a picture of your face and also having some freidns who are ready to lie for you. Of course if you’re a girl, you can bypass this problem by showing your cleavage. No one’s gonna bring themselves to see your face, so you’re covered there. The important part here is to call yourself ugly. Enjoy the attention, you zit-faced fuck.

You’re fucking welcome, bitch.