I’ve been in a poop stalemate with a girl watching videos and a janitor for the past ten minutes. No one will leave and no one will shit. We’re all just sitting on our respective receptacles. I can’t remember my life before this. Has embarrassment always ruled me in this way? The girl watching videos is humming now. I can feel my end on the horizon. It’s prairie dogging. It’s time. I have to break the stalemate.

UPDATE: I’m still here. My bowels are moving backwards I think. The girl watching videos has now completed all three Halloweentown movies. The janitor is still on the pot. I think we’ve grown closer through this. It’s not as though I’ve lost the ability to shit. It’s more like.. I’ve gained two sisters. And maybe some hemorrhoids.

Update 2: eclectic poopaloo: I’m just kidding guys. I did the ol’ flush’n’flex and was outtie in five. Not sure about the janitor or Elton OnTheJohn. They were still stiffly keepin it up the poop chute when I left. Legend says they’re still holding it in to this day.