A miracle is an event that cannot be explained in any way shape or form. Many say it is an act of god. To witness a miracle is an achievement of a lifetime because a *true* miracle is to witness a form of perfection. Those who see one achieve true happiness from witnessing and understanding the form of perfection. Mankind has been involved in seven miracles so far, but the governments of the world have tried everything they can to keep these miracles a secret. They are afraid of allowing knowledge of perfection being exposed to regular citizens. I, however, a teenage government agent of the U.S.A, can no longer keep this secret to myself. I don’t care what happens to me, but I must release knowledge of the 7 Miracles before I get caught. What I am about to show you is a leaked document that recorded one form of perfection. I will also leak an image of the miracle, and it will enlighten those who see it. I encourage you to spread that image to as many people as possible so others can understand enlightenment. Anyway, here is the leaked document. May you be enlightened.

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The fat patriot approached the statue of Abraham Lincoln in the middle of the night. He looked around making sure that nobody was here. He didn’t want anyone to see him, although it wasn’t like he had anything to lose if anyone saw him. He had just lost his job because the company he had worked at was losing its ground. He had spent the evening after that drinking his troubles away. He gave his soul and body to the booze, and by the time the bartender announced the last call for drinks, he had drunk away all his sorrows and any thoughts of rationality. He left the bar with a clear goal in mind, and that goal was to show his patriotism to the U.S in the most intense way possible: through sex. And this is what led him to the Lincoln Memorial. He was going to fuck the Abraham Lincoln statue’s brains out because his patriotism was on fire! Hallelujah Amen! Oh, how he loved his country, the land of the free and the brave! He snapped himself out of his thoughts. Now, it was time to do the deed. The man looked up at the work ahead of him and smiled while rubbing his hands together.

He tore off all his clothes and exposed his American Flagpole. He looked at it with pride and smiled. Ah, how beautiful his moon-claimer was! The more he looked at it, the longer it seemed to grow. There was no need to use his hands to encourage it, his patriotic tool was just as eager to do this as he was. He walked up to the statue and assessed it. The sitting stone Lincoln was much larger than he thought it was at first glance, but he did not hesitate in the slightest. He stepped onto Lincoln’s shoe and climbed up his leg. He worked his way up to Lincoln’s torso, sliding his scepter along the statue’s cold, smooth leg as he climbed. When he reached the torso, he firmly grasped Lincoln’s hand and climbed up his arm, still sliding his cock as he climbed of course. By the time he got on top of Lincoln’s shoulder, his flagpole of meat was at least 10 inches, and he could *see* it throbbing. His tool desperately wanted action, and so did he. The time to execute the deed was now. The fat patriot looked around again to make sure no one was here. After making sure no one was here, he jumped onto Lincoln’s face, grasping the statue’s temples with his meaty hands, and inserted his patriotic stick into Lincoln’s gaping mouth.

The cold, hard, smoothness felt wonderful to the man. He pulled out and then trusted inside the mouth again. His moves were gentle, yet firm since he didn’t want to hurt the statue, but his moves were graceful. Any porn star watching would tell you that his moves were like a work of art, but how could this be? This man was a complete virgin up until now (if you count this as losing virginity) and had no sex experience except for jacking off to 2-D women while crying in the middle of the night. And yet now, his moves were so masterful at this moment that he could make a woman (or man) cum with a single half thrust! What a miracle this was! But oh, I haven’t even gotten to the real miracle yet.

The man kept thrusting his sweaty cock into the statue’s mouth for what seemed like an hour (how he was able to hold out for this long is another miracle itself) when he finally came. This was not any normal orgasm either. His patriot juice immediately filled up Lincoln’s mouth and starter splitting all over his face. The force of the cum felt like that of a jet engine and the man could barely hold on to Lincoln’s face. After around a minute, he could hold on no longer and let go. By this point, Lincoln’s face was completely covered by his act of patriotism. The man fell down and hit the ground hard, but he remained conscious and his orgasm showed no signs of stopping. The cum sprayed everywhere, it went on the walls, it went up in the sky and fell down on himself (cum fountain) and it *completely* covered the entirety of Lincoln 69 times over. The orgasm lasted for 15 minutes and by the time he was done, the entire memorial had 69 inches of sticky patriot juice evenly spread on the floor.

The man fell asleep in his sticky cum after the orgasm was finished, and when he woke up in the morning, he had no more alcohol in his system. When he realized what had happened, he was really confused. This man had not fucked a statue of Lincoln in his drunken state. He had actually fucked a statue of Alexander Graham Bell. He had never been to the United States in his life, never even thought about it really. You see, the Statue was actually in Canada and the “Fat Patriot” was actually a Canadian citizen who had lived in Canada for all his life.

*This* is the true miracle, one that the governments of the world have desperately tried so hard to keep away from the rest of the world, for it reveals a message to us: The true way to master sex. If you wish to give your partner a good time (or yourself), you must let yourself be completely filled with patriotism to the United States. It must be the United States, you see, no other country. And now that is the end of my story.

For those who wish to be enlightened, [here](https://images.gawker.com/vk5kc5tdlmtxxsocxpuo/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636.jpg) is the leaked image of the miracle happening. More miracles soon (probably). Until we meet again.